A Prayer for Healing – Biopsy Results

Dear Friends,

Little Debbie, 6 years old -- Embracing my inner child.

Little Debbie, 6 years old — Embracing my inner child.

As you know we’ve been waiting for news on my bone marrow biopsy which was done twice because of inconclusive test results. Unfortunately, on Tuesday the Stanford doctor told me he is 99.5% sure that my condition is recurrent leukemia.  This is definitely the worst diagnosis for my situation, and was not the news that I wanted to hear. I was hoping (and still am) that the bone marrow transplant was my cure.  I’m not giving up.

My doctor says that there is currently a fight going on in my bone marrow between the leukemia and my donor’s cells.  My soul is burning and asking me to join this fight for my survival because I so deeply love this life.  While my donor cells fight the leukemia and while my fighting spirit is strong, I am reminded of the need to commit again and again to cultivating love and letting go of fear, which visits often. While I fight for my life, my intention is also to surrender: to live each moment as it comes and not worry about what has taken place in the past or what may happen in the future.  I believe that I can both surrender to the Divine, and fight for my life at the same time. This strong will to live comes from my heart, which honestly is aching.

There is a 5 percent chance that I could have a miraculous healing over the next 5 weeks where my bone marrow will succeed in fighting back and killing the immature cells which the doctors think is leukemia. This is my hope and prayer – that my body naturally rallies and overcomes the cancer this month.  This means that my bone marrow will be making all healthy blood cells – white cells, red cells and platelets — in all of the correct proportions, and there will not be immature cells or blasts. Currently, I am having blood transfusions regularly because my bone marrow is not making enough of these healthy cells.

I believe in love, and the power of intention. With my love and all of those around me, it is my hope that we can smother the cancer and say goodbye to it forever.

I have another biopsy scheduled for January 7, and if that one looks like leukemia, I will be re-admitted to Kaiser Permanente in San Rafael again to undergo chemotherapy while I live in the oncology unit.  There would be two rounds of chemo, each requiring about a 5-6 week stay in the hospital. The chemo is hard to handle, and I hope that I don’t have to go this route, but I will if I need to.

I thought I was cured of AML, so this news is very surprising. Over the past month as my blood counts dropped and I got sick again the doctors kept saying that they thought it was graft rejection (easier to cure), and not leukemia.  In the face of this challenge, I am working hard to keep a positive attitude and envision myself having a long healthy life with my partner Andy, and enjoying my friends and family. I am doing some deep spiritual work to meditate, do Reiki, and clear any issues that are holding me back.  I’m working to commune with and heal my inner child, “little Debbie,” whose picture I have included with this blog.

I have overcome many challenges in the past and plan to do so with this one too!  When I was 17 and had reconstructive knee surgery my doctor said I would never do gymnastics again, but I was doing back flips within the year. When I injured my other knee skiing 5 years ago, the doctor said I could not be healed without surgery, but an MRI six months later proved that I had healed my ACL with meditation and Reiki.  There have also been many political situations where people said what I wanted “could not be done,” but I made it happen (with help from others), like building the Cal Park Hill Tunnel, forming the Safe Routes to School National Partnership, and securing the Nonmotorized Transportation Pilot Program federal legislation which provided key outcomes nationally for why investments in walking and bicycling improve health, reduce greenhouse gas emissions and improve safety.

If it feels right to you, please continue to hold me in a healing light and I gladly accept and am grateful for prayers for my full recovery, as quickly as possible.  Please envision me fully healthy, happy and vibrant, with my bone marrow and body healing naturally over the next month – so that I am cancer free forever.

I have much more to give and to live in this life, and deeply hope to have that opportunity.  Thank you for your love and being my ally.

Love always,
Deb

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16 Responses to A Prayer for Healing – Biopsy Results

  1. Joanne OCConnor says:

    I will offer the day to God for your healing . You are a special and strong young lady and I know you will be able to face whatever comes to you, I will pray . Joanne

    Sent from my iPad

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  2. Dear Deb, I am sending you love and healing light. Thank you for sharing your journey with us as the balance between raging and grace is a knife edge we’ll all need to learn to navigate.

  3. Joanne OCConnor says:

    I will continue to pray for you Deb. You are an inspiration to all. God bless and keep you close to His heart. Joanne

    Sent from my iPad

    >

  4. Matt Kagan says:

    As I read your characteristically beautiful post, likening your situation to a fight between donor cells and leukemia, I found myself shouting at the screen like I was ringside at a boxing match, “Go donor cells! You can do it!” I’m so terribly sorry you have to go through this and send my warmest thoughts and prayers your way. Happy to envision you as happy, healthy and vibrant. Honestly, it’s hard to imagine you any other way…that’s the Deb we know and love.
    Matt Kagan (and everyone else at Behr Communications!)

  5. Frances Reich says:

    Dear Deb: We’ve known you since the day you were born, and we’ve always known that you are special. Just look at what you’ve overcome already! Novelist Anaiis Nin wrote- “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” Keep fighting, sweetheart, and we’ll keep hoping and praying. We love you – Frankie and Linhard

  6. Virginia Kettenring says:

    Dear Deb, You have been in my thoughts ever since your latest update. It is a story hard to believe. You are in our thoughts and prayers. At this Holy Season we will all be on your team And offering our prayers to be of strength and power to help you. Through your beautiful writings I am feeling close to you. I spoke with your Mother yesterday as she was taking a walk in the sunshine. You are all so brave. God bless, and good night. Ginny Kettenring, Inverness Village

    Virginia Kettering

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  7. Cindy Winter says:

    Deb, few in your situation would have written that long, frank account — showing that your innate talents to work and achieve, to reach out to others, are still awesome. We lesser mortals are doing what we can to carry on your work while you are laid up, and each of us, in our own way, is holding you in that healing light and sending our thoughts and prayers. With love, Cindy

  8. Gail Cheeseman says:

    I read your beautiful letter and could sense the power in your quest for complete healing that will carry you through!

  9. Hope Zincone says:

    Dear Deb, Please know our prayers are sky rocketing to the heavens that the treatment will work and you will recover completely. You are in God’s hands and He loves you and
    He will help you.
    With much love, Hope and Tommy Zincone

  10. Jane B. Ward says:

    Dear Deb- prayers for strength and healing are coming your way from all the Ward-Wallers and our extended prayer networks in northern New Jersey, Texas, Kansas, Missouri, and Florida. You are very special to all of us. We see you surrounded by a healing light and loving power which is strengthening and comforting you.

    Blessings and love from DC, Jane and Steve

  11. Lisa Groff says:

    Deb,

    George and Lisa are on your side and many positive thoughts and energy is coming your way from the East Coast. It won’t hurt to have a few more prayers as well. We are really pulling for you to beat this news.

  12. Chris Hirtzel says:

    Hi Deb. I am sorry to hear about your test results. Please know that myself and my church members have you in our prayers again. I do hope that positive results come your way.
    Love, Chris Hirtzel

  13. I have witnessed you so many times making things happen that I thought were impossible. It was your skill and your will that combined to achieve such amazing results. This is one more challenge for you to overcome. Know that I and so many others are standing behind you, envisioning the same outcome that you desire. With all love and healing thoughts. XOXO Nancy

  14. Dear DEB – we hold you in a very strong heating light and that you will recover. We are so sorry that you have to suffer so but know that your cells and mind and body will win out in the end and the leukemia cells will be defeated and that you do not have to go through the long Chemo. We love you and give you all our strength and positive thoughts. Our beautiful planet needs people like you who are honest and sincere and care for planet earth and also other beautiful people. Keep Fighting our wonderful and special person!!!

  15. Lydia Voigt says:

    Dear Deb, This was not the news that I wanted to hear. Your positive attitude is so great and the love you give is so beautiful. Please know that so many many people have you in our constant thoughts and prayers. We all love you and hope each day will be a brighter one. Lydia xxooxxoo

  16. Michele Giglio Uy says:

    I’m so sorry to hear this news Deb. Please know that I am praying for you, thinking of you and sending you much love for healing. I hope you can feel my hugs. Love, Michele

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